Sunday, May 17, 2009

the ex

My ex is in the psych ward.

I don't know how this is supposed to make me feel. I feel sad and at the same time I feel ashamed. I feel like somehow it is my fault. I did this to him. I know that I didn't really but part of me feels that I am somewhat to blame. I mean, I did leave him. I knew that he was mentally unstable. It is part of the reason that I left. So is it my fault because I wasn't strong enough to be his wife? Yes, I tried to get him help. Yes, he refused. But should I have tried harder? I am distraught. I don't want him to hurt himself. And I don't want to care. I guess that makes me a bad person? I want to just pretend that he never happened. I just can't believe that I am 32 years old and my ex can still make me cry. I have been crying since last night. How is it that I can be the only one that listens to him (those are his words). And the poor guy knocked some young girl up...I tried to be nice and warn him that this could happen. She told him she couldn't get pregnant because she has lupus. Now she is blaming him and getting an abortion. That is what put him over the edge. According to him that on top of the other stresses of life are too much for him. Ptsd, impending school, pregnant "friend w/benefits", she can't deal with his problems.... I understand why he is feeling alone. I would too. But what am I supposed to do to help him? He didn't want my help before and I would have done anything back then to get him help.

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