it started out good...now it is just okay..

Today.... I started my morning with a cup of coffee like every other morning, things were looking good. Right after the kids got on the bus my SO and I went for a walk around the neighborhood. I love to go walking...just ask my sister I used to drag her along. It was a nice walk, not too hot yet with a cool morning breeze. When we got almost home I started having an anxiety attack. I don't know why, I rarely ever do know any more. Guess what? Anxiety attacks and exercise don't really go well together. I felt like I had an elephant sitting on my chest. I am guessing that this was a sign of things to come. Once I had calmed myself down, I refuse to have to take medication to stop them, I came inside and talked to SO about our to-do list. We decided to put off the tasks that required leaving the house. I debated pulling the rest of the weeds from the flower bed in the front of the house while I helped him hang a bluebird house. SO said I should just do what ever I wanted to do....so I decided I wanted to lay out. It is definitely warm enough and sunny enough. I laid out for a while in my tank top and some panties, yeah I know, I refuse to buy a bathing suit they are ridiculously over priced for the amount of material you get. I was feeling pretty good and reading my book just relaxing. I got the great idea to take my top off...no one can see me anyway...and I need to get some sun on my pasty-ness. After a while we decided to come in and that my friends is when my day continued it's gradual downhill spiral. I am probably being over dramatic, I have a tendency to do that sometimes. But it just really chaps my hide to be told " that is not the way I am used to having it". Really what you just said to me whether you verbalized it that way or not is that I am not doing something the way your mother does it. So what, does that make it wrong? I don't think so. Here is an idea, how about you try it this way before you decide that it is something that you don't like?? Is that hard? It would hurt my feelings a LOT less if you would just try it first before deciding that since it isn't the way your mom did it then it won't be good. Okay. End of rant... I just don't like the way it makes me feel to hear that. It is almost like I am not good enough. I am not trying to be your mother, I am not trying to replace your mother, I am trying to love you and care for you the best way that I know how. It isn't supposed to be just like your mom, this isn't a motherly love. I want to be able to spend the rest of my life with you without wondering if I am good enough.